Monday, September 5, 2011

11 May 2011

Hiya!  Kind of weird that I just literally talked to you the other day.  It already feels like weeks ago.  But that’s how time works here.  Simultaneously really slow and really fast.

So I mentioned my first blessing from President when we were talking on the phone.  I figure I should explain.  I’ve been having a bad couple weeks.  Looking back, I can see they were worse than I realized.  My “this is hard, I give up” gene was kicking in.  I was sick of feeling like I didn’t know what I was doing or that I couldn’t do it right.  Needless to say, my companion, pretty much my whole district, noticed something was off.  I came to the conclusion that because I didn’t want to talk to my companion or my district leader, I needed to see President H.  He is so awesome to talk to, and seemed to just know that something was wrong.  We talked about the fact that this really is hard.  That I can do it, I just have to believe that I can.  I need to pray to love the work and I need to keep busy.  President acknowledge that I’m pretty smart (or something like that), but he isn’t very smart, it’s enough for him to know what to do and do it.  It’s like my companion has said a couple times: I have the knowledge, but am I actually applying/doing it or not?
President had offered me a blessing earlier, so after committing me to pray to love the work and the rules and do it, I asked him for the blessing.  I hadn’t realized that I had been craving the blessing almost more than the talk.  I love the blessings he gives.  I was there when he and ElderS gave blessings to the Japanese sisters last transfer.  The blessing focused on me finding joy and happiness in the work.  Key word being find.

We’re not supposed to be negative in our letters, but I’d feel worse for making you think I was bright and shiny when I really felt terrible.  I’m better now and getting better every day.

The work is hard, but true.
Sister Clayton

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